A virtual friend of mine (virtual meaning online, not someone who is almost my friend) mentioned this week that he was feeling discouraged. My initial desire was to cheer him up, but then I got scared that his discouragement might be contagious, that if I tried to say anything to shed some positivity on him that the blue shadow of his mood might transfer to me. I also worried that because I don’t know his specific situation, my attempts at encouragement might be misplaced and come across as trite.
So I said nothing.
This week I found out that I did not make it into the top 30 finalists of a writing contest I entered. There were over 450 entries and I didn’t expect to win; however, I really thought this would be the year I’d at least make it to the top 30. I know that my writing isn’t a fit for every publisher/publication out there but it’s hard to remember that when you scan the list and your name isn’t there.
As I’ve tried to put my writing out into the public world more, rejection is a recurring theme. In order to choose one piece, another must be rejected. I get that. And while I’m usually a pretty upbeat person, I will admit that I’ve been knocked down by rejections more than I thought I would. It has affected me more than I would have predicted at the beginning.
Rejection feels personal, even when it’s not.
When facing discouragement, from whatever source, what can you do to get through it? How can you get up from feeling down?
Just as we all have widely different personalities, what works for one person might not be effective for someone else. It is also surprising how the source of the discouragement and the intensity of it can elicit different responses. For example, I’m not usually a huge crier, but when my novel was returned to me with extensive notes pointing out all the bad things about it, you better believe I cried.
Crying works wonders. It’s like a sauna for your eyeballs, sweating out through tears all your body’s impurities and sadness, but without all that heat and inability to breathe.
A long, fast walk outside can do the same thing.
Moaning works too.
Praying about it is useful, but during those times my prayers usually tend to be one-sided whine-fests. I’m convinced that God wants to hear about it anyway, though, even if it’s not eloquent or lofty.
Chocolate chip cookie dough is also effective.
The thing that works the best, at least for me, is talking to a trusted friend, somebody who “gets it” and understands the significance of your discouragement, or doesn’t mind sitting in it with you. To hear that you are understood and not alone can be the most powerful way out of discouragement.
Have you been discouraged? What caused it? How long did it last? How did you turn things around? I hope that you find encouragement at this blog, if only from knowing you’re not alone. Hang in there, and in the words of that old gospel song, joy’s gonna come in the morning.
Love, Laundry, Faith & Family 
Gabriel Gadfly
I think everyone gets discouraged from time to time. It happens to me less now than it used to, in part because I’ve built a large collection of good poems and have a handful of achievements under my belt that I’m proud of. When I get discouraged, I go read through those poems or remind myself of the awesome stuff I’ve done, and then I start thinking “Hey, you wrote this! You can write other good things!”
But before I had that collection of good things, it was hard to push through and do the work, even when I felt discouraged that it would ever get me anywhere. Sometimes you just have to hunker down and force yourself through it.
The Inkubator
Great thoughts here. Thank you for sharing. I agree that sometimes we can be our best encouragers by reminding ourselves of what we’ve achieved or come through. Love this: “Sometimes you just have to hunker down and force yourself through it.”
Erica (Peterson) Hunt
Ugh…sorry, friend. I don’t know what to suggest because when I feel discouraged about writing I talk to you! You’re perseverance is an inspiration, so I hope you don’t give up.
Did you have a chance to listen to the podcast I shared with you last week? One of the things I liked about it was the way he addressed rejection, “failure” and finding our voice.
The Inkubator
Thanks for the encouragement! I started to listen to the podcast but picked the wrong moment to do so. I have great plans for this weekend though, and intend to relax and listen once the kids are asleep. Thanks for sharing — I love hearing the things that inspire you!
JP McLean
When I’m discouraged I read other blogs – like yours and know I’m not alone. That helps. Most of my discouragement these days stems from my marketing and promo efforts. It’s like tossing a stone down a deep well. I’m still waiting to hear the splash.
The Inkubator
It’s got to be hard to invest so much in promoting something you’re proud of and want to share…and the results be postponed. Your analogy is apt, and I know you’re in good company. Timing is so important isn’t it? And sometimes when we’re ready, the world isn’t ready yet. Hang in there, don’t give up, find the beauty in the process if you can. Blessings!
Joe Owens
When I share the news of my rejections with my wife she tries to be sympathetic, but since she really has nothing invested she comes off sounding kind of hollow. I know I cannot expect her to share in my passion to the point that she would feel so much disappointment, so i suppose i need to find a virtual friend to commiserate when the rejections come.
The Inkubator
It may be frustrating to feel less than understood, but I think that might be the life of a writer (unless you’re married to another writer, which could be very depressing if you’re both getting rejected…or if one of you is getting rejected and the other one is on a roll. Come to think of it, being married to a writer might be challenging in a gazillion different ways!). There are great communities out there for writers where other people can feel your pain and share in your victories. This winter I’ve found the Writers Unite group on Facebook, and that’s been a great place for me.
I would also say that it sounds like you’ve got a great supporter in your wife in the fact that she doesn’t write but is still trying to empathize and be there for you. That’s a sign of a strong love, when someone doesn’t understand and yet still tries to be that sounding board for you.
Hope you can get through your disappointment and find hope in the midst of it. ~Blessings!
heylookawriterfellow
I’ve been rejected a lot — 114 times before I got my first book contract. I’ve never minded them all that much, but that might just be because I’ve had a lot of practice. 🙂
I wrote a post about rejection a couple of months back. Do check it out if you wish:
The Inkubator
Whooo, 114, that’s a big number. I think it is to your credit that you haven’t minded them and you kept at it. I did read your post and LOVED it. Thank you for sharing it. If anyone else has been discouraged about rejection letters, they’ll be encouraged by reading it.